OK, so, you are probably thinking the same thing I was thinking, which is to say, “Ha ha ha, a horror movie about mutant cows. That’ll be a hoot. Possibly laden with mordant Irish wit.”

Do not be fooled like I was. Holy shit. Take the mutant cows very fucking seriously indeed.

It turns out, who’d have known, that when you film on a ramshackle failing Irish farm with a limited cast, and you get the classic horror tropes of disease and nature gone Gigeresque wrong and slow-mounting tension right, and you threaten the world because one stupid genetic researcher forgets that science will mess you up something fierce, and you do all that stuff? Yeah, that is pretty visceral stuff right there and it is indeed capable of scaring the crap out of you and no, the mutant cows are NOT FUNNY.

At all.

Seriously. Best monster SF/horror flick since Alien. Farm, spaceship, it’s all the same in the end, which is none too pleasant, let me tell you. It creeped me out a lot. There was nothing wrong with this movie.

Grade: I can’t grade it right now because I’m too edgy cause fuck, mutant cows. But probably an A+.