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Category: Culture

Kings of smarm

Last week’s Apprentice was intensely dull, so I’m only just now getting around to writing about it. Executive summary:

Sex still sells and the women are still using it. The contestants are stuck in the mode of individual achievement these days; they can’t stop running around long enough to delegate to non-contestants. Nick used some pretty good tactics to buy himself an out, and they worked. Bowie got kicked out for no good reason. Omarosa is smart enough to turn people around and get them to like her in one week flat.

This week’s, which I haven’t watched yet, scrambled the teams.

Time and again

Cory Doctorow’s Eastern Standard Tribe is out. He’s made it available on the Web under a Creative Commons license again, so you can always download it and read it if you aren’t sure about buying it in the store.

This one didn’t work so well for me. As an extrapolation of current cultural trends, I can’t make it dovetail. Doctorow gets the tribal aspect of Internet culture right — we do form tribes across the time zones, driven by our own interests — but I’ve never ever seen a tribe form around a specific time zone. In fact, part of the attraction of the Internet tribe is the knowledge that whenever you log onto the MUD — hit the IRC channel — visit the bulletin board — fire up AIM — whatever — someone will be there. Part of the attraction is that the Internet is always on. Time is irrelevant.

And the tech sucks. One of the McGuffin ideas is broken; one of the character plans to make a fortune from a scheme in which people with more than 10,000 songs on their car MP3 player get to skip tolls. Doctorow loves redistribution of information, which I appreciate, because I do too. However, incentivizing heavy file sharers does not magically pay for itself. Rather, it costs you money because people move towards the behavior which you’re rewarding.

Now, you can fix this by changing the threshold from a fixed number to a percentage; the top 5% by the number of songs shared metric get a free ride on the Mass Pike. But I don’t want to rant endlessly about a single technical point. I want to observe that Doctorow is letting his passions and his technical fondness take over his actual story. He wants extrapolations to say a certain thing, so he writes them that way. Eastern Standard Tribe veers too far towards polemic.

One envelope

And the nominees are…

Biggies (i.e., the ones I care about):

Best Actor
Johnny Depp — Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl
Ben Kingsley — House Of Sand And Fog
Jude Law — Cold Mountain
Bill Murray — Lost In Translation
Sean Penn — Mystic River

Depp is the surprise nomination here. I still think he was better in Once Upon A Time In Mexico, but what do I know? Bill Murray would be my pick for the Oscar.

Best Supporting Actor
Alec Baldwin — The Cooler
Benicio Del Toro — 21 Grams
Djimon Hounsou — In America
Tim Robbins — Mystic River
Ken Watanabe — The Last Samurai

Alec Baldwin is the trendy cool nomination. Lotta quality performances here; this is a really strong field. Baldwin is deserving, Robbins is deserving, and Watanabe is deserving. I’d bet Del Toro is deserving too.

Best Actress
Keisha Castle-Hughes — Whale Rider
Diane Keaton — Something’s Gotta Give
Samantha Morton — In America
Charlize Theron — Monster
Naomi Watts — 21 Grams

Trendy choice: Keisha Castle-Hughes. Winner: probably Charlize Theron. Shamefully, I have seen none of these.

Best Supporting Actress
Shohreh Aghdashloo — House Of Sand And Fog
Patricia Clarkson — Pieces Of April
Marcia Gay Harden — Mystic River
Holly Hunter — Thirteen
Renée Zellweger — Cold Mountain

I dunno. Shamefully — you know the rest. (OK, I saw Mystic River. Marcia Gay Harden was good.)

Best Animated Film
Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets Of Belleville

Triplets is a bit of a surprise. This year, the voters will decide if this award is a prestige award or an award for the big US film (which is not to say Finding Nemo isn’t good, but it’s a perception thing). So far it’s gone both ways, with Shrek and Spirited Away.

Best Director
City Of God
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Lost In Translation
Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World
Mystic River

HEY. I guess City of God is eligible this year after all. It’s not gonna win but possibly it should.

Best Screenplay (Adaptation)
American Splendor
City Of God
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Mystic River
Seabiscuit

I’m torn between Mystic River and Return of the King. I guess you gotta go with the latter as a recognition of the trilogy, but the Mystic River screenplay was a superlative adaptation of a difficult book.

Best Screenplay (Original)
The Barbarian Invasions
Dirty Pretty Things
Finding Nemo
In America
Lost In Translation

Dirty Pretty Things. Not that I didn’t love Lost in Translation, but it wasn’t the screenplay that made it a great movie.

Best Picture
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Lost In Translation
Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World
Mystic River
Seabiscuit

All good choices. Return of the King gets it, again for the trilogy, although I can’t say it was a better movie than Lost in Translation.

Heat

That was a long week. Productive, but lengthy. Instead of talking about business, which I can’t talk about, I’ll talk about the one non-business thing I did this week: Dixie’s BBQ.

Dixie’s is pretty decent BBQ with a great gimmick. You get your food, you go sit down at your table, and the owner of the place wanders over with a pot of his hot sauce: “The Man.” He makes a big production about giving you some, especially if it’s your first time. I was there with a couple of co-workers, and since they were native Bostonians I figured my experience with hot sauces went a little beyond theirs. I believed them when they said The Man was hotter than hot, but I was pretty sure I could handle it anyhow. So I let Gene (the aforementioned owner) plop a big spoonful onto my brisket.

It’s insanely hot, most likely the hottest thing anyone who isn’t fanatical about their hot sauces has ever tasted. According to the intelligent folks at chile-heads, it’s about 2/3rds Endorphin Rush and 1/3rd the normal Dixie’s barbecue sauce.

I can only find one source for the Scoville value of Endorphin Rush, alas. They claim it’s 120,000 Scovilles. Sounds about right, but I have no way to verify it. If we accept that at face value, and we accept the chile-heads guesses at face value, that’d put The Man at about 80,000 Scovilles. Tabasco sauce is around 3,000 Scovilles.

The fired-up brisket wasn’t much of a problem; the heat brought out the flavor nicely. I even got another half-spoon of The Man on the remainder of the brisket. I should not, however, have let Gene dump another spoon into the baked beans. It wasn’t so much the heat as it was the combo of the heat and the sweetness of the beans and the not-so-tasty hot link I got with my brisket — I handled the heat just fine, but the mixture of flavors was hard on my stomach. If I ever wander by there again I’ll just get the brisket straight and see how that goes.

None of this is very impressive to the madmen who go past the very hot sauces such as Endorphin Rush into the superhots. Endorphin Rush is based on a pepper extract, so it’s way more intense than you generally get out of a hot sauce. Some sauces go further: you can in fact get 1 million plus Scoville heat in a bottle. I sort of suspect that it’s more a collector thing than anything else, since Blair’s sauces can go for a couple hundred bucks on EBay. The hottest of the hots are literally dangerous to handle, so I can’t imagine anyone breaking the wax seals and cooking with ‘em.

Either way, though, I’ll stick with the sauces that ring in at 100,000 Scovilles and under.

Book and a half

Hey, look over there. The Population: Too proofreading team has done 729 pages, which is like two and a half books or something insane like that. 186 pages on January 15th alone. And when I say proofreading team, I mean Diony and Liralen, who are on fire.

Thank you guys for helping to increase the amount of free information on the Internet. You rock.

Cash or credit

The rules of The Apprentice got a little clearer this week; the project manager has to choose two people each week to go into the final stage with him, and one of the three gets fired. So, OK, Troy didn’t totally blow it last week. On the other hand, now the team is saddled with a total malcontent in Sam for at least a little while longer; I still think you gotta do a better job of balancing the strategy of picking the bad performers and the management difficulty of staying on everyone’s good side.

The challenge was creating an ad campaign for corporate jets this week, and the women won with more or less the same strategy as last time. Sex sells. I’m still not sure this is going to cut it for future CEOs, but it’s sure winning the challenges. And, in all fairness, Amy did a really solid-looking job as project manager.

Jason was the PM for the guys, and did OK except that he didn’t arrange to meet the client. Me, I would have asked who was judging the presentations and made sure I knew what he wanted — which wasn’t the client, but the CEO of the ad agency made his decision based on what the client wanted, so it came down to the same thing. Pretty dumb to just go off and work creatively without any direction, anyhow.

Sam was the consensus choice for the first poor performer. He fell asleep on the job, literally. Jason picked Nick as the other guy and did a very bad job of it. There wasn’t anyone who was standout bad, and Jason had to pick someone, but he should have made it very clear that Nick was great and that he’d have preferred not to pick anyone else but Sam. Or, for a really daring move, picked the best person and said “Mr. Trump, this is the last guy you should fire and I’m picking him because I don’t want you to even consider firing anyone but me or Sam.” The project managers need to stand up and take more responsibility.

No harm done, except to Jason, since Trump told Nick he wouldn’t be fired right off the bat. Next, Sam made a fool of himself. Next, Trump fired Jason, which is utterly clearly a case of keeping the personality conflict on the show. Sure, Jason should have met with the client, and he’s the obvious second choice. But Sam fell asleep on the job and has no way to be a contributing member of the team. I don’t think Jason had any way out of the trap, though, since there was nobody but Sam on the team who did a poor job.

So now the guys are down two people, and Sam’s useless, so they’re down three people. They should pick Sam as PM next week, and suck down the loss knowing that Trump will have to fire Sam. There’s a good chance that Sam’ll screw up badly enough to make them lose next time anyhow.

Meanwhile, the women are in pretty good shape except that Ereka and Omarosa are arguing at every opportunity. Omarosa hates the whole sex sells approach, and I can’t blame her, but that stance is isolating her from the rest of the women. OK, I guess the women are effectively at seven people. The first time they lose there’s gonna be some implosions happening, but as long as they win there’s no chance for the backbiting to become, well, effective.

Possibly next week someone will actually notice that there’s strategy to this game. I won’t be too harsh on them; it took me two episodes before I figured it out. And someday the women will lose, which will make for great closing sequence fun.

Oh — about my lemonade sales calculations from last time. Television Without Pity has some other numbers. Their assumptions are different, though; I figured $500 meant $500 total, but they think it means $500 profit. If you go with that, the guys did much better than the women in volume. I still think I’m right, though.

Edit: Apparently Sam is the PM next week! I hadn’t watched the teaser yet. I count coup.

Trump'd

I’m not a big reality show guy, although I watched the first couple seasons of Tough Enough. However, my TiVo enables all kinds of degenerate behavior, including reality TV addiction, so I figured I’d watch a couple of episodes of The Apprentice. The basic setup is simple; Donald Trump brings in 8 men and 8 women to compete for a job with him. They split up into two teams, men versus women, and every week they have a different competition. At the end of each show, Trump fires someone from the losing team.

The first week’s competition was selling lemonade. Both teams were fairly pathetic. The women were exceedingly disorganized, but managed good sales by selling lemonade at five bucks a shot with a helping of sex appeal on the side. Seriously. One of ‘em was hawking her phone number along with the lemonade. The men were fairly well organized but hampered by the inherent difficulty of selling lemonade when you’re wearing a tie.

If you figure it by sales volume, assuming the startup costs were around $50 and the guys were selling lemonade at $1.50 per glass on average, the men and the women both sold around 200 glasses based on the final asset figures quoted at the end of the show. I’d call it a tie, but that’s me. It’s pretty reasonable to set up uneven competitions, which I figure is what was going on, even if Trump didn’t acknowledge that he was doing it.

What really disappointed me is that nobody got clever. Trying to sell a glass of lemonade for a thousand bucks doesn’t count as clever, it counts as stupid. You don’t need a full team of eight people to sell lemonade; either split the teams so you’ve got two teams of four at good locations, or put four people on individual lemonade sales and put four people at figuring out some way to sell en masse. Sell lemonade on the subway. Get creative. You aren’t competing for a sales job, you’re competing for an executive job, so act like executives instead of competing on individual sales ability.

The men looked terrible in the segment where Trump chose his victim, anyhow. If I’m managing a team, and Trump asks me “who’s the weakest guy on your team?” I’m gonna say “Sir, I’m not going to damage the cohesion of this team by criticizing one person in front of everyone else. I’d be happy to express those criticisms with you and the person in question in private, but I’m not going to do it in public.” I’d say something similar as a rank and file team member, for that matter. It’s better business and it’s better reality TV show strategy.

That’s probably going to be the main failing of the show, though; it’d take some pretty amazing management style to get through a competitive process like this while still displaying good team leadership qualities. Troy, who got stuck with the management role this time, was very rough on Sam in front of everyone else. He clearly thought Sam was going to be fired, but Sam’s going to be there with him for at least a little while longer. Ooops.

I suppose it’s a test of who can work well together despite personal feelings. Still, once you’ve said you don’t trust someone on a business level, how do you explain why you’re delegating to them next time around?

And yes; this is my Mr. Sterling for this year.