So the Onion went and asked a bunch of celebs who they could take in a fight. I gotta say, if you respond to that question with “I believe in non-violent solutions” or words to that effect, you’re kind of wimping out. This is the Onion. Have a sense of humor. Maintain your principled stance on non-violence by saying “Nobody, because I have a principled stance on non-violence and I’d just curl up into a little ball even if it was Nancy Reagan coming after me.”
Best line in the piece was from Frank Miller:
Well, she [Little Lulu] doesn’t exist. She’s just lines on paper. If you want to go along those lines, I’ll just say I could take Galactus. Paper rips.
Yeah, baby. Paper rips.
Also, I am tremendously jealous of my once housemate Tasha Robinson who gets to go out and interview people and ask them questions like that. There’s someone who knew what she wanted to do and now does it.
Frank Miller rules. Definitely the best of the bunch.
I have to admire Trey Anastasio’s courage, offering to take on Henry Rollins, and I’ve got to admit, of all the hypothetical match-ups, that’s the one I’d pay the most money to see.
I’d admire Queen Latifah’s bravado, as well, but I’m pretty sure she’s right.
It makes me really wish that I could somehow transmit this interview back in time before the dawn of self-effacement and ask some James Deans and John Waynes who they could take in a fight. I mean, you could replace half the interviewees names’ with “Woody Allen” and have a believable piece. Well, except I don’t think Woody Allen has the chutzpah to claim he could take on Haley Joel Osment.