I thought I’d done this one before, but careful examination reveals that I have not. Thus, this Monday we’ll pay homage to the Oscars. Glitter, awards selected by popular vote, all eyes on the gowns — that sort of thing.
(Lensmen next week. Promise.)
Since I just ran it, I’ll use Feng Shui.
[On gilt-edged paper, written by the finest calligrapher in the world with inks so rare their very existence is a subject of debate among the world’s elite.]
The Thunder King, Huan Ken, has been watching you. Be pleased! It is a privilege to come to the attention of the best warrior in any world, and such is the Thunder King’s prowess.
It is your honor to be invited to the First Annual Thunder Award ceremony. The ceremony is to take place in the fifth day of the third month of the Year of the Baboon, in the Court of Thunder, in the domain known to the plebian hordes as the Netherworld but known to the True Initiates of Thunder as the Courts of the Four Monarchs Among Whom Thunder is the True King. At the ceremony, the Thunder King himself, long praised be his name, will award the coveted Thunders to the greatest warriors from each juncture who are not named Huan Ken.
There will be awards for Best Swordsman, Best Gunsel, Best Finishing Stroke, Best Trick Shot, Best Unarmed Warrior, Best Technique, and several others as fits the whims of the great and glorious Thunder King. Winners will be chosen by the Court of the Thunder King based on popular acclaim.
Attendance is mandatory, lest one become known as He Who Is Not Sufficiently Confident As To Measure Himself Against The Best Warriors.
IKTV will broadcast the ceremonies throughout the Netherworld.
[The document is signed by a courtier, Huan Ken’s personal secretary, Steel Butterfly.]
There will, of course, be a plentitude of people among the nominees looking to improve their chances of winning by picking off other nominees.