Elvis is everywhere

“Elvis’ entire career was a big mystical ritual, you know. He knew what he wanted to do all the way back in Memphis, and he put his whole life together so that he could pull it off. All those years, all those songs, all those different costumes — why, he was gathering up orgone energy decade after decade after decade. All flavors, too. Fat person orgone energy. Skinny pelvis orgone energy. Wartime orgone energy. All of it flowing into Elvis.

“Then he took that energy and used it to build an exact spiritual duplicate of Graceland in the afterlife. That’s why Graceland looks kind of funny in our world. You know, overdone and all that? It’s really meant to be viewed in the Great Beyond. When Elvis died SNAP his soul went straight to the place he’d been building all those years and he gave it the energy he’d been collecting and it became real.

“Now, this is what’s important. Graceland was designed to be a magnet for dead rock stars. Elvis didn’t cotton to the idea of rock stars getting caught in Hell just because they weren’t good enough for Heaven. You have to know that’s where most of them were bound, especially Elvis’ cousin Jerry Lee Lewis. Elvis didn’t like to see anyone go to the bad place, let alone family, let alone fellow musicians. So he fixed that problem.

“Pretty quick all the souls of most of the rock ‘n’ rollers found their way to Afterlife Graceland. Jimmy, Janis, the Bopper, Buddy — all of them, or anyhow most of them. And whenever another rock star dies, there’s a little signpost on the way to Hell and Heaven which says ‘Hey, good buddy, come on over here and look what we got for you.’ Elvis put it up and most folks pay attention to it.”

“A couple of years after Elvis died, he led a raid on Heaven. Jimmy really wanted to jam with Bach, and that’s where Bach was, and Elvis thought Bach might want to come jam with Jimmy and the rest of the bunch. Long story short, it turned out Elvis was right and they got Bach out safe. Now there’s an angel on permanent duty at Graceland to make sure things don’t get out of hand. He’s not too fun to be around but we don’t mind him so much.

“But this is where it starts to get interesting. See, Elvis had one more thing in mind when he made this whole plan of his; there’s one more piece of the puzzle that needs to fit into place before Elvis feels complete. There’s one soul lost to Graceland and that soul is maybe the most important of all. There’s a man in Hell needs to get out as soon as he can, and Elvis intends to make that time come pretty damn quick.

“Tomorrow, Elvis is leading a raid on Hell to free the soul of Robert Johnson.”

PCs are the dead rock stars living in Graceland. Elvis taught everyone kung fu, so the system is Feng Shui. The rest is obvious.